Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Have you watched it? Ok, *cracks knuckles* Let’s begin.
Why is it pissing me off? Well, the tech it’s trying to advertise seems great, but the way they’re using it seems rather… creepy and manipulative. At one point the guy says, “It’s normal in the UK,” and I cringed. Is it normal in the UK? To just walk up to a woman and try and kiss her? Uh…. NO. This is not normal anywhere in the world.
There is that issue of consent
Yes, sure the guy in the video isn’t actually forcing women to kiss him. But there is this ‘minor’ issue of consent. Again, yes, he is asking the women if he can kiss them, instead of just kissing them but here’s the thing. Culturally, the Western world is vastly different than the Eastern world. While it is normal and encouraged to speak your mind in the West, in the East, it’s not.
At sexy parties, we’re often told about the rules of consent. Yes means yes. Any other variation means ‘no’. That means silence, giggling, ‘maybe’, ‘I don’t know’, ‘I guess’ and any other variation means ‘no’. In the last scene, where he pulls the confused woman up and says, “No one is looking,” as he leans in to kiss her, that would get him kicked out of a decent sex party. And yes, I’m aware that this guy in the video was probably just hired to promote the product. And the onus is on the company for thinking up a shit ad.
Cultural sensitivity
Consent is a (much needed) hot topic these days. While ‘Yes means yes’ applies anywhere in the world, I feel that in parts of Asia – especially the parts where subtlety and body language are prefered over overt language and words – there needs to be an extra layer of consent. Taking cues from the culture that you are in and noticing how the people of this culture choose to communicate to each other is very important. For instance, my American friends are used to be upfront and honest with their needs. I on the other hand am not. In my culture even if you don’t want something, you never say, “No, thank you,” instead you hedge around or sometimes (if the person is offering food) just take a small bite, so as to not offend the person. It is up to the person offering to notice the small details and know when to back off. I know, it’s complicated. But that’s just how we roll.
But it’s just a joke right?
Yeah, maybe. The thing is, Asian women already suffer through a stereotype of being subservient, gentle, and homey. I’ve had many Western male friends who claim (after their two week stint in some Asian Island paradise) how they would love to marry an Asian woman (and yes, I’m lumping a whole continent in here). And now after this video we can add they’re also easy to persuade to give it up. Ok, maybe I exaggerate. But the stereotype works both ways. Western men already have a reputation of being sex crazed and taking what they want (I kid you not). And this video is not doing that reputation any good.
Alas, this video is already out there, so what can we do but hope next time there will be a little more cultural sensitivity when thinking up marketing plans. Especially in this day and age.
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:
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