Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Every time I visit my parents, I see a stack of the latest scientific and medical journals next to my mother’s favorite chair, and another next to my father’s chair. They pass them back and forth (often charmingly annotated in mom’s red pen) like teenagers did with new records, back in the olden days when vinyl records were big with everyone, not just hipsters with expressive, painstakingly managed facial hair.
From time to time, mom will pull out one of the journals and read a headline like “Men Who Are Unfaithful To Their Wives Found To Have Strong Sexual Impulses” or “Correlation Found Between Wearing High Heels and Experiencing Chronic Foot Pain,” then roll her eyes and mutter “Well, I sure hope that study was well-funded. What’s next: A peer-reviewed query into whether water is wet?”
I thought of those mom-moments as I read a recent article with the curious headline “How often do the happiest couples have sex? (It’s less than you think).”
Wait – Who Did The Study Which Revealed What I Think?
Honestly, after my first glance at the headline, I was less interested in how much sex the “happiest couples” were having than the question of how NBC News found out what I think about how frequently those couples are having sex.
Even if I’ve been talking in my sleep about how often happy couples have sex (which I’m pretty sure I haven’t been, or my husband would have complained bitterly about and/or mocked me for such by now), for NBC to know about those nighttime rambles would imply they’ve planted a listening device somewhere in my home – or that my husband has sold me out in the name of scientific research.
On second thought, that latter possibility seems entirely too plausible. Just in case, he’s sleeping on the couch, at least until I finish bug-sweeping this place.
No Way; An Inaccurate Fairy Tale?
As it turns out, the study in question here is a big survey in which couples self-reported the frequency with which they have sex, as well as their level of contentedness with that frequency. The big reveal here, really, isn’t that happy couples are having less sex than I (and/or you) think; it’s that there’s no ideal frequency which guarantees a mutually-satisfied couple, sexually speaking.
As for the idea (whose idea is not entirely clear, by the way) that happy couples fuck constantly, the PhD behind this not-so-revealing study says it doesn’t mesh with the data she collected.
“We have lots of expectations about how relationships are ‘supposed’ to look,” said Dr. Logan Levkoff. “Many times, this fairy-tale model doesn’t mimic our lives or our realities.”
Granted, I haven’t done a full-fledged scientific study into this question, but intuitively it seems to me like most people don’t expect fairy tales to accurately reflect reality. I make the same assumption when it comes to nursey rhymes. I’ve always been skeptical it’s truly feasible for an old lady with countless children to live in a shoe, for example.
This Just In: “Intercourse” And “Sex” Aren’t The Same Word
Another master (or perhaps Doctor) of the obvious, Sanam Hafeez, told NBC News “Closeness and connection is a human need.”
No shit? (I can hear my mom’s eyes rolling from here.)
“When in a long-term relationship it’s important to reconnect through sex,” Hafeez added. “The brain chemicals released during sex further enhances bonding.”
Here’s the part which will really blow your mind: People can also bond thusly through sex which isn’t intercourse.
“Physical intimacy — including cuddling, oral and manual stimulation and sharing of sexual fantasies — contribute to this bonding,” NBC notes, with help from Dr. Levkoff. “At the end of the day, the focus shouldn’t be on hitting a ‘magic number,’ but rather on meeting the needs of both partners and bonding through intimacy as a couple.”
Faced with amazing, oh-so-unexpected, science-based revelations like these, what can one say?
Wait, I’ve got it: I sure hope this study was well-funded…
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:
