Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Every time a friend extols the virtues of meditation to me, I’m reminded of the first time I tried to my hand at the practice. It was very stressful time in my life and a friend recommended trying meditation to reduce anxiety, “get in touch with myself” and generally improve my outlook on life.
The kind of meditation I tried out back then probably had an ‘official’ name – like “transcendental meditation” or “Metta meditation,” or “chakra meditation.” But all I can remember about it was that I never managed to reach the state of mind the technique promised. That, and I remember one super creepy old hippie guy who was part of the meditation group my friend belonged to hitting on me and literally trying out the line “age is just a number” on me when I balked at the idea of going on a date with his shriveled, patchouli oil-scented ass.
Ultimately, I decided escaping into sci-fi and fantasy books was far more relaxing than sitting around mumbling to myself while my knees grew sore – so it was goodbye meditation group and geriatric hippie dudes, hello Isaac Asimov and self-aware robots.
To Hell with All this Wisdom and Self-Knowledge Crap: Tell Me More About Meditating Until I Cum Like There’s No Tomorrow
In the years since the day I finally dropped out of that meditation group, I’ve never been tempted to give meditation another try – until now, that is.
What has me willing to give meditation another shot at being a part of my life? Well, it turns out there’s this thing called “orgasmic meditation” (“OM”) that involves having someone rub your clitoris for 15 minutes – which is roughly 14 minutes and 30 seconds longer than my husband can do the same without his ‘tennis elbow’ suddenly flaring up.
Sure, I’ve been told my whole life never to judge a book by its cover, an act of Congress by its title, or a meditation technique by its trademarked brand name, but you must admit, meditating in furtherance of having an orgasm sounds more appealing than “seeing things as they really are,” especially when one considers how things really are, these days.
Four Out of Five Tantric Sex Goddesses Agree…
Still, I’ve been bitten by false advertising several times in the past, so before I commit to giving this orgasmic meditation thing a shot, let’s hear some more about it.
“The women have full control of what happens, and the men get to explore their own sexuality in a non-goal-oriented way,” one anonymous practitioner of OM recently wrote for The Guardian. “We’re encouraged to ask the stroker to go slower, or lighter, or in a slightly different place, thus re-finding our voice, agency and choice in a context where the stroker is more focused on the woman, rather than only on him- or herself. It’s a fabulous opportunity for sexual healing. It provides a safe, supportive way to work through unresolved wounds, such as fear and shame.”
Another advocate of the practice, Amina Peterson – who is identified as an “intimacy coach” and “self-proclaimed tantric sex goddess” – said that “sacred sex education is the new black.”
I’ll admit, I find this claim a little confusing, because I’m not sure sacred sex education goes with my new purple blouse quite as well as my favorite black skirt does. Then again, I’m not a “tantric sex goddess,” so what do I know?
Plus, Anjuli Ayer, the CEO of the company that trademarked the term ‘orgasmic meditation,’ describes it as “practice that combines the power of meditation with the experience of orgasm.”
Now that’s what I’m talking about!
I must say, all in all, this OM thing does sound truly amazing – but why do I get the feeling there’s a catch?
And Here Comes the Catch
Little did I know, the catch was lurking right there before my very eyes, in a subsequent quote from the very same OM CEO!
“Ayer made it clear that OM is ‘not for sexual gratification or any other purpose than to develop an individual’s personal well-being by improving connections between mind and body.’”
WTF?
Where the hell do these people get off calling something “orgasmic” if it’s NOT for sexual gratification? Do they also sell water that dehydrates those who drink it? Do they offer stock tips which aren’t designed to make money for the investors who adopt them?
Oh well, that’ll teach me not to assume the words people use mean the same thing as the dictionary definitions of those words. Here’s hoping I’m not awaiting the same sort of disappointment with respect to my upcoming guided tour of Intercourse!
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:
