I’ve heard of sex so hot that it sets the sheets on fire, but this is ridiculous; a “mobile brothel” in Germany caught fire at a rest stop, even though the erotic errand it was on at the time involved its owner having sex in a different vehicle altogether.
As the Daily Mail describes the scene: “The 32-year-old brothel owner known as ‘Lady Jane’ was fortunately conducting business with a truck driver in his cab when her ‘Love-Mobil’, which had included a bed and various erotic aids, caught fire.”
The conflagration took 35 firefighters to put out, and since its cause is still officially unknown, we can only speculate as to what happened – so let the speculation begin!
Given the circumstances, the most obvious potential culprit is whatever sort of sex was happening in the truck; perhaps sparks created by the vigorous humping and pumping going on between Lady Jane and Mr. John arced from Mr. John’s big rig right through the window into the Love-Mobil, where they immediately set the deep pile carpet ablaze – possibly igniting fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror, as well? Or maybe there’s a German fetish involving anal sex and circus-like fire breathing; after all, if history has taught us anything, it’s that there is a German fetish involving just about everything….
Then there’s the possibility the Love-Mobil was manufactured by either Toyota or General Motors, in which case the incident will soon inspire the company involved to swing into action, taking every measure and sparing no expense to warn consumers, issue an immediate recall and get to the bottom of the problem conduct an internal “investigation” that proves “inconclusive.”
Naturally, divine retribution is another suspect here. An angry and vengeful God, incensed by Lady Jane’s flagrant violation of Biblical proclamations against having sex with truckers on or near German highways (seriously, it’s in there somewhere – Leviticus or Deuteronomy or maybe Dieteronomy, I can’t remember which) set the van aflame as a warning to all who would ignore His heavenly prohibition against extramarital sex. It’s hard for me to give much credence to this possibility, however, mostly because Las Vegas still hasn’t been swallowed without warning by a gaping, brimstone-belching sinkhole, and frankly I think that would be a higher priority “to-do” for any deity-dealt recompense handed down for hanky-panky-related iniquities.
Another theory worthy of consideration is straight-up malicious arson, an avenue of investigation that yields numerous suspects, from dissatisfied former clients of the Love-Mobil to corporate malfeasance on the part of Lady Jane’s competition, like her arch rivals in portable prostitution over at Der Bangen Büs. It wouldn’t be the first time one company set fire to part of another company’s fleet…. although it might be the first time that fleet in question transported dildos and lube instead of cigarettes or garbage.
Of course, this is The Internet, and it wouldn’t be The Internet unless we entertain at least one fringe theory, ideally one involving Rothschilds, Zionists, the Bilderberg Group, HAARP, the Trilateral Commission and/or grey aliens. Along these lines, it simply can’t be coincidence that a woman named “Lady Jane,” which has eight letters, the same number of letters found in the word “Zionists,” had her van mysteriously catch fire in Germany, which as we all know is home to lots of grey people (if not grey aliens) with the last name “Bilderberg.”
Whatever the explanation, the most important thing to glean from this fiery tale is crystal clear for any reader: Germany has mobile brothels.