Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Once upon a time, even people who didn’t like porn could rely on one good thing to come out of the industry’s efforts: Hilarious titles for porn parodies of major Hollywood releases.
Some of my favorite old-school porn parody titles included On Golden Blonde, A Tale of Two Titties, Asscapades (a play on the Ice Capades – which, admittedly, isn’t a movie) and Titty Titty Bang Bang, which really could have used a magic car, but was otherwise great.
More recently, though, the porn parody name game has become a sad, uninventive space, filled with titles like The A-Team XXX: A Parody and This Ain’t Avatar XXX.
This is why, as much as I’d like to think it’s still the case, going forward Matt Damon will probably be proven wrong in saying porn parody movie titles are “very funny.” He’s not wrong this used to be the case, but now? All I can say is: “We Ain’t Particularly Clever: The XXX Industry.”
The Real Reason For The Lame Parody Names: Brand Coattail-Riding
From a marketing standpoint, the advantage of such a dull porn parody-naming approach is pretty clear: It allows the porn studio in question to use the actual names of major blockbusters and ride the waves of brand-recognition which comes along with that practice.
Of course, porn studios don’t want to get sued off the face of the earth by Hollywood executives, who in addition to being able to afford nicer cars and watches also tend to employ more lawyers. Thus the appending of “This Ain’t” or “Not” to these titles, along with something which makes it abundantly clear the parody is just that – a parody – and not something actually associated in any official way with the original work being parodied.
It certainly makes sense from a legal perspective, and probably makes sense in terms of marketing, as well – but it sure leaves people like me and Matt Damon pining for a time when the new parody releases were Saving Ryan’s Privates instead of This Ain’t Saving Private Ryan: The XXX Parody.
Sacrificing The Nostalgia Factor
Sure, This Ain’t Gods of Egypt: A Porn Parody takes the guesswork out of which mainstream movie is being parodied, but will anybody remember the title fondly a week from now, much less 5 years from now? If the same parody were a muscleman porn title called Bods of Egypt or a cumshot-heavy gonzo flick by the name Gobs of Egypt, it’s a totally different story.
In addition to bypassing countless opportunities for great names (more on that below), porn studios which bestow dull names upon their parodies miss out on creating something which stands by itself in terms of making people get warm and fuzzy for times gone by, instead of relying on what you might call “nostalgia by proxy.”
To wit, even though I’ve never actually seen On Golden Blonde, here the title sits prominently in my memory, over 30 years later. Come to think of it, reading the cast list and plot synopsis, I may well download it from a VOD platform after I finish this post.
I mean, Ginger Lynn, Christy Canyon, Jamie Gillis, Peter North and Tom Byron, all in the same porn parody? This flick is the classic porn equivalent of the NBA All-Star Game – except with better defense, most likely.
So Many Missed Opportunities
On top of it being a real shame to lose out on all the bad puns and cringe-worthy wordplay in general, every year porn studios eschew clever titles in favor of ones nearly identical to the original represents dozens of missed opportunities for porn-title-driven mirth and merriment.
We’re barely over halfway through 2016, and how many titles have been released this year which could have been brilliantly aped in old-school porn parody fashion?
Imagine, if you will, instant classics like Headpool, Ghostblowers, Whorecraft: The Bangining, Skindependence Day: Insertion and BFG DP. Hell, even James Dobson wouldn’t be able to resist having a little chuckle when confronted with a porn parody moniker like Done-Hur.
Instead, what do we get? Ghostbusters: XXX Parody and The Donald Trump Sex Tape: A XXX Parody. In a word…. Yawn.
C’mon porn industry marketing people; you’re better than this!
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:
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