Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
The first time I can recall hearing about an internationally-infamous criminal, I was a young child and the fugitive was a fellow named Charles Sobhraj, also known by such Bond-movie-friendly nicknames as the “Bikini Killer,” the “Serpent” and the “Splitting Killer.”
Sick bastard tough he may have been, Sobhraj at least seemed worthy of the hysteria surrounding his pursuit. He did, after all, over the span of his criminal career kill at least a dozen people and use their stolen identities to aid in escaping and evading law enforcement.
Later, I remember the arrest of Carlos the Jackal making headlines all across the world, which didn’t seem like a news-stretch considering Carlos’ penchant for bombing and shooting people wherever he went.
These days, though, the standard for earning international headlines as a notorious criminal seems to have fallen precipitously. Apparently all you have to do in order to see your crime splashed across headlines spanning the globe is display porn on a large roadside screen.
This Guy Needs A Better Nickname, Stat
Among the bothersome things in the reporting about the Great Jakarta Porn Billboard Incident of 2016 is that we don’t even get to know the guy’s name, let alone a snazzy nickname to accompany it. Authorities thus far are referring to him as simply “S.A.R.” which would be fine if he were a respiratory disease, but this is an internationally famous criminal we’re talking about here; he needs a proper moniker to underscore the horrors of his deeds!
How about “Carlos the Projectionist” or “Osama bin Wankin” or “the Jakarta Jacker” or even “Spanky the Naughty Tech?” Any of these would be more appropriate than three mundane, painfully vague little initials separated by dull, static periods.
At the very least, let’s spice up the initials with some modern, branding-aware mixed case lettering, some italics and a bit more enthusiastic punctuation. I think “sAR!” has a very nice Apple-ish ring to it, no?
Imagine the headlines if he ever escapes from prison: “sAR! On the Loose” or if the headline is in the New York Post, something like “sAR! You Later, Coppers.”
Where’s The Proportionality?
While I can understand people being a bit upset with sAR! over his little porn prank, I can’t help but feel like the potential punishment here is a wee harsh when compared the severity of the offense.
Seven years in prison for five minutes of porn being displayed works out to 1.4 years in prison per minute of porn; does Indonesia really want to establish that porn-to-punishment ratio as a precedent, should someone later successfully transmit an entire Axel Braun superhero porn parody on such a billboard?
By my math, the offender in the hypothetical Braun case would be facing well over a century in prison – where he’d just take up valuable space which could be used to house people who have committed far more heinous crimes, like possessing small amounts of marijuana.
It’s possible sAR! has made things worse for himself by not coming entirely clean in his confession. While he freely admits to cribbing the user name and password for the billboard system, he also claims he “played the film unintentionally,” which sure sounds like the kind of thing a man says when he’s been caught doing something he really, sincerely, honestly believed he was going to get away with, no problem.
Do yourself a favor, sAR!: Just tell the truth and say you thought it would be a funny thing to do – but once you’d done it, you were so overcome with remorse for what you’d done you were depressed to do the right thing and immediately turn yourself in.
If that doesn’t work, fuck it – you might as well fire up a joint right in front of the prosecutors, judge and jury, then tell the lot of them to go fuck themselves.
Granted, that’s not a particularly legally persuasive argument, but it should at least get you back on CNN.
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:
