Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
If you’re familiar with the excellent HBO program The Wire, a series a lot of people consider five of the best seasons of television ever created, the headline to this post might ring a bell for you.
It’s a twist on a line that comes from the first season of The Wire, when the higher-ups in the Baltimore Police Department tell their underlings how they want to respond to the shooting of an undercover cop by the drug dealers targeted in her investigation.
They want to “send a message” and “show them who we are” by making some high-profile busts, then holding a press conference to show off the proceeds of their raids.
Ultimately, what the brass really wants to show off at the press conference is a whole lot of “dope on the table.”
Unfortunately, their zeal to show off effectively kills an important investigation, by springing the trap too soon, before the detail working the case can build evidence against the biggest players in the criminal organization they were targeting.
What does any of this have to do with dildos, you ask?
Well, I couldn’t help but think of the wire when I saw the picture at the top of this article from The Jakarta Post about a similar press conference held by Pontianak Customs Office (PCO) in West Kalimantan (a province of Indonesia).
This Bust Will Rock The Indonesian Black Market For…. Minutes, Maybe
One of the more amusing elements of the PCO press conference is the notion someone thought it was worth the time and effort to hold a press conference to trumpet the destruction of “contraband” with a total value of – hold onto your hats, folks – a whopping $8910.00, more or less.
“We have destroyed these products with the approval of the State Treasury Agency and Pontianak Auction Office on behalf of the finance minister,” explained Noer Rusyidi, the head of the customs office, sitting beside four men with decidedly ‘Why the fuck am I here?’ looks on their faces.
The customs haul wasn’t all dildos, naturally – other products shamefully used to derive a little fleeting pleasure from life were also targeted, including 743 porno DVDs, eight bottles of booze, “930 palm kernel expellers,” one “spy camera,” one air-gun and hundreds of illegal pills of unspecified type.
According to Noer, the items had been confiscated because they violate Indonesia’s customs and excise laws, and because they are classified as “dangerous and morally degrading objects” which could corrupt the nation’s youth.
Probably best not to introduce Mr. Noer and his peers to this new thing called “the internet,” eh? They’re liable to try to seize and dispose of the whole thing – and just imagine how big a table they’d need for the press conference held in the aftermath of their global cyber-raid!
Now THAT’S What I Call “Disposal!”
You might think it would be sufficient to simply throw away these dangerous items, but clearly all this means is you’ve already been corrupted by dangerous and morally degrading objects.
Thankfully, the PCO wasn’t taking any chances with these horrible, ruinous devices. Instead of merely tossing them out, the items “were smashed and burned” with “any remains” to be buried in a “final disposal site” in Batulayang, Pontianak.
No internment ceremony was mentioned in the press coverage, but given the PCO’s flare for showmanship, I think we can safely assume there will be some manner of spectacle involved – hopefully one involving plenty of bonangs.
Either way, I think we should all send a big thank you from a distance to the vigilant men and women of the PCO and salute their conscientiousness in utterly destroying all those morally corrosive dildos and other products, lest they somehow fall into the wrong hands.
Can you imagine, for example the destructive potential of an Indonesian teenager armed with high-fiber palm kernel expeller? It makes my skin crawl (albeit while feeling smoother, softer and healthier than usual) just thinking about it!
Maybe Trump Can Help Them Build A Sea-Wall?
Obviously, on top of the manifest need to confiscate and destroy dildos, what Indonesia needs is a better way to assure such contraband doesn’t slip into their morally upstanding nation in the first place. And since so much of the world’s corruptive product begins life as an American concept (one soon to become a Chinese manufactured object), it seems only fair that we should help them solve the problem.
The best way to do this, I think, is to loan Donald Trump to Indonesia for a period of at least 330 days, starting now.
Now, it’s always possible Mr. Trump has other items on his agenda between now and then, but given his obvious zeal to help America become great again, I’m sure he’ll jump at the chance to provide a living “proof of concept” by first unveiling the fruit of his ideas in an Indonesian context.
And if the PCO happens to seize Mr. Trump as contraband upon his arrival, at this point I think we can all agree this too would be a win-win for all involved.
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:
The post Dildos On The Damn Table appeared first on Peeperz.