Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
As I’ve mentioned many times before, I’m a total sucker for a good, juicy headline.
I’m not talking about headlines which relate important news, I’m talking about those which have obvious and inherent artistic merit of their own, like “Cloak And Shag Her” or “Osama Bin Wankin’!” or the timeless classic “Headless Body Found In Topless Bar” to name just a few from the New York Post, arguably the king of eye-catching sensationalist story-toppers.
While the Post loves a bad, tasteless pun, media outlets don’t always have to stoop to such rhetorical devices to compose a truly great headline. Sometimes, the facts of the story simply line up like auspicious stars in the night sky, opening the possibility of a true head-turner which doesn’t require much fiddling or wordplay.
In other words, sometimes the underlying story allows you to write with a straight face an absolute gem like “Porn-actor-turned-spy who posed as jihadist gets suspended sentence.”
Now THAT’S a headline!
This Guy Seriously Needs A Better (And Safer) Hobby
When I first read about the man identified only as “Roque M,” I thought he was a gay porn performer had turned into a real jihadist/fake spy, but as it turns out, he’s a gay porn performer who turned into a real spy and fake jihadist… Or something like that.
What would drive a guy who used to get his kicks from performing in gay porn to try to insert himself into the high-risk world of militant extremism? Had he developed some sort of grating, deep-seated resentment of the German state? Was he inspired by something he perceived as an injustice worthy of turning to a life of crime to combat it in extralegal fashion?
As it turns out, Rogue M was just “in it for the lulz” as the kids say. (Well, at least one kid says this; maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to assume my irritating nephew is representative of his entire generation.)
“I never met with any Islamists,” Roque M testified during his trial. “I would never do that. The whole thing was like a game.”
It was like a game? Monopoly is a game. Risk is a game. Pretending to be a jihadist and revealing secrets of the German state sounds more like a death wish to me.
There’s just no accounting for taste, I guess.
Whatever Floats Your Boat – Until It Floats You Into Jail, That Is
To be fair, I’ve never tried pretending to be a jihadist while working at the Office for the Protection of the Constitution, so maybe I shouldn’t knock it ‘til I’ve tried it. To hear Roque tell it, the whole thing is more fun than a barrel full of extremely violent and secretive monkeys, as the old saying not-quite-goes.
Roque told the court he grew bored on the weekends, playing with his disabled son, so he “immersed himself in the online world of Islamists,” as the Guardian puts it, something he called “an escape from reality.”
Dude, binging on old episodes As the World Turns is an “escape from reality” too, and I’m pretty sure nobody has ever been put in jail for it – not even when they could have been considered material witnesses to the time Kirk Anderson and Danielle Andropoulos conspired to trick Courtney Baxter into cheating on Andy Dixon with Dr. Campbell, who turned out to be an impostor hired by Grant Coleman, who was responsible for Brad Hollister going into a coma… but I digress.
At any rate, while there’s no evidence Roque was involved in any plots or terrorist acts which came to fruition, he did arrange a meeting at a gym with a “suspected Islamist” – but given Roque’s prior work in the gay porn biz, who knows; this could have been merely scouting out a good location for the strangest, most Islamist-militant gay porn scene ever filmed.
Either way, with no evidence of him trying to further any actual terrorist plot, Roque was left facing just a single charge of attempting to share state secrets. No word on whether those “state secrets” include Angela Merkel’s browser history… Although I suppose if one wants a peep at that, they’d need to transition from a life in gay porn to a life in the intelligence business, not in Germany, but right here in the good ol’ USA.
Hmm. Now that I’ve thought of this possibility, the U.S. intelligence community might want to add Jarec Wentworth to their “Do Not Hire” list just in case, lest he comes looking for work upon completion of his sentence.
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:
