Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
To hear some people tell it, the whole world is going to hell in a hand-job-basket due to the widespread availability of porn on the internet.
Porn has become a public health crisis, they say. It’s making men impotent, making women feel bad about their bodies (because burger commercials alone just weren’t cutting it, apparently) and generally ruining society, one smutty video clip at a time.
Before long, presumably, internet users will become so desensitized to sex and titillation it will take fully explicit hardcore porn just to get our attention. If Carl’s Jr hadn’t already set aside their “slut burger” approach, they’d soon have offer images of something other than ketchup dripping down the chins of their models, if you take my drift.
If it’s true internet porn is making anything tamer than double-penetration seem quaint, though, why is it any amount of celebrity half-nudity still starts our click-fingers twitching as reliably as ringing the bell for Pavlov’s dog produces a pool of pooch spittle?
O-M-G: It’s A Man With A Big Penis!
As you’ve no doubt noticed, in a lot of porn ostensibly made for straight men to watch, the penis takes center stage.
Even if the stated theme of the video surrounds, say, ‘College Coeds Gone Bad,’ once the action goes hardcore, a significant portion of the screen is going to be dedicated to an enormous male member thrusting into one of those titular coeds – whose cute face you’re not going to see too much of from that point forward, by the way, until the penis spews ejaculate on it.
Given this fact, you’d think if there was any body part whose online exposure would elicit a collective yawn, it would be the penis.
But, as it turns out, you’d be wrong to think that.
“MILAN CHRISTOPHER REVEALS MONSTER DONG In Paper Magazine,” screams a recent TMZ headline, accompanied by a photo of Mr. Christopher sporting a black censorship box between his legs which would do Borat proud.
“You know as a male music artist or man in general showing your male genitalia is so taboo in our culture,” Christopher said of his Paper Magazine spread, “but it’s ok for Amber Rose, Kim Kardashian, or Rihanna to do it as females.”
Hmm. I’m not so sure this analysis is on the money, in part because I don’t recall any Amber, Kim or Rihanna showing their “genitalia,” per se, seeing as how that word is properly understood to mean reproductive organs, and not just any old naughty bit.
Still, I’m glad Milan brought up Kim Kardashian, because I was going to start my next paragraph talking about her butt, anyway.
O-M-G: It’s Kim Kardashian’s Butt (Again)!
Speaking of not-so-salacious pictures that made click-fingers spasm around the country, very few things get people hammering links on celeb news sites like the promise of Kim Kardashian’s booty – in this case, her entirely nude, well-oiled booty.
How much do people love Kim’s booty? Enough that even though that cover is from close to three years ago, TMZ still thought it worth connecting to and referencing in the much more recent article about Milan Christopher’s “MONSTER DONG.”
And it’s not just Kim K’s butt that sends Netizens into a clicking frenzy either, as evidenced by the fact “celebrity butts” have their own category on TMZ.
Yes, it seems no matter how many relatively unknown butts people can watch being penetrated by relatively unknown monster dongs, there’s still a significant level of interest and excitement surrounding celebrity butts and dongs.
By the way, I don’t think I’ve used the word “dong” so much since I was in junior high (and yes, my snarky little niece who loves to remind me I’m pushing 50, the word is that old). And now, for some reason, I’m having trouble not using it. I’ll see if I can manage to avoid using the word from here through the end of the post though, because this is getting positively redongdant.
A Serious Gender Gap In Celeb Butt Shots
Looking over the celebrity butts section on TMZ, I think I’ve come up with a different explanation for why Milan Christopher decided to go full-frontal in his new spread: It’s simply what it takes for a fella to get attention amidst the sea of female celebrity asses.
Come to think of it, outside of the occasional “hot firefighter” calendar, you almost never see male butts being celebrated in the same way women’s butts are, or not on sites like TMZ, at least.
It’s too bad, really, because if there’s anything which could have improved on a story about Black Chyna paling it up with “Most Epic Ass” award-winner Alexis Texas, it would have been the presence of some male celebrity’s MONSTER DONG.
Hmmm. Looks like I didn’t manage make it to the end of the post without writing dong again, after all – which is pretty ridongolous, I must admit.
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:
